We promised we weren’t going to let her continue to ruin anything else in Our life. ….We promised to be one and communicate with each other…… and just like that a split second and I’m exhiled, placed on mute in a glass box. I can not get to you although I feel the pain and I’m helpless without a voice. while you ride the storm alone.

Everything seemed so nice,started with a kiss and then…

We want shopping and everyone got what they wanted except me. I wanted a fly swatter but they weren’t in season. Who knew?

He pointed at my nose and playfully, well more like a petulant two year old, I licked his finger. He wiped it on my face. Uhmm…not cute or cool at all. That was a bit rude. Who does that?

At first I tried not to dwell on it but I did think it was rude. So day went on and then we ate dinner. It was a gorgeous beautiful dinner. A new experience for the kids and I.

He took us to go get boba tea and we played games and we brought our puzzles. I unboxed our puzzles and took it out of the bag. He threw the empty plastic bag in my face.

Ok me being who I am, am very defensive so I threw the bag at his face. Sorry, not sorry reflex reaction. He threw it once more and at that point I put the bag aside and thought, what was his problem?

This was so out of his character. He was sweet, loving and caring. Never had he even attempted to throw anything at me. He didn’t hold my hand and it dawned on me, that this was the longest time he had ever gone through without saying he loved me. He was the loving guy with nothing but adoration for me. What happened ?

I knew something shifted and I was not liking it. I ask if he was ok but like pinocchio he lied and said he was okay and nothing was wrong. I knew there was more so I told him I didn’t not believe him.

He later told me the ex poo bate had sent him in a bad mood. If these feelings still have an affect on him then maybe he still had feelings for her.

I just can’t win for trying..

He mentioned something about the EX and it slipped my mind for a second. I tried to grasp what he was saying but I dont know how I didn’t catch it. It stuck in my head though like a grain of rice in the crease of a pot.

All day we spent talking and laughing. He took me to my favorite place and he knew I was a simple girl so trips to Costco with samples followed by a yummy treat was where I wanted to be. On his arm and smiling and laughing about a silly meme made us both laugh. Our time was cut short and before I knew it, it was time to say goodbye. He was off to an appointment so I went home to do my chores. Everything smelled like roses.

An hour later he called to tell me how his appointment went and what he had to do. I listened intently as he made silly jokes. Then came the comment about the ex… He stated she text him to ask why her account had money withdrawn and he stated that it was from her dental work. I didn’t think twice and continued chatting and doing my chores. But the comment didn’t escape and neither did the thought.

He said he was tired and would call later. My mind began to wonder about that comment. Why did she call him? Why didn’t she look at her account? How did he know the money withdrawn was to her dentist? How did this bill get paid if she was not aware? Did he take the money from her account and pay the bill for her? If he said they were over why does he care to even do this for her?

Roses dont smell like Roses …..

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

I knew we where over the minute another life mattered more than the life I had for you. You left us alone and the sadness I felt crushed us. The life you left behind haunts me now.

My sanity left and time couldn’t erase all the pain or heal the wounds. I tried so hard to cope with it all and even when you were with me, I had never felt more alone.

I was there for you, I heald your hand, I chased away all your fears and yet you left us to fend for ourselves. I knew you wanted to leave so I told you what hurt to say so you would go regardless of my feelings.

Months passed and it was excruciating to see you, and remember how my sanity and anger were compressed. I couldn’t even grieve my loss and there you stood trying to give me a letter.

I refused to get it and even sent it back to you. Remembering, it all now brings the feeling back. Opens the wounds and kills me softly.

I remember on the way back from a war zone laying in a cot listing to my ipod. I remember Evenecence playing My Imortal. I layed there and hating that I was constantly your punching bag. How many times you used me and yet I don’t get what for. What did you get out of it?

I remember how it took you many weeks and so many failed attempts to convince my best friend to introduce you to me. How you chased and continued to try and convince me. My instincts always told me to avoid you and I said no so many times.

Months later I gave in and then you began acting funny, you wouldn’t bring me to certain parts of the mall and then you stood me up for your graduation so I went anyway only to meet your actual girlfriend and learn I was the side chick.

I left you and even then you tried to convince me that it was all a lie and that you didn’t want her. You kept insisting and showed me wounds of what she had done to you.

Stupid me, I let you back in. You came only to dissappear when you went to Texas and left me in Georgia. I vowed to never speak to you again.

Three years had passed and I was sent to Texas only to see you again. You were the same arrogant SOB that wouldn’t take no for an answer and who’s reputation followed him. You were a player and you let your looks go to your head and everyone knew it.

With a child on the way, you didn’t tell me but you still preceeded to chase me. I said no many times and yet you wouldn’t leave me alone. A year of me despising you and still you would not leave me alone.

I finally gave in and risked getting into trouble for fratinizing. What for? You had a life, why did you need me. You could have just spared me. Then you leave her for me even though I didn’t know. You tell me later and then use me only to go back to her and your child.

Tell me why? Why waste your time? Why hurt me? What did I do to you? What was the purpose? Did you get some sick excitement out of hurting me?