Reality knocking…

I had the thought and notions that things wouldn’t be as easy as they seemed. I pleaded and begged with my internal conscious telling me that it would only be a matter of time.

It’s too soon, it’s too quick… I knew it and yet I let him convince me that he was over it. I let him tell me it was years in the making. I let him tell me that he had been single for some time now. I knew the signs but he failed to listen to me. He needs time but would not take it. He swore he was over it…

Time came to have her served and she chose her words precisely. It moved him even though he didn’t care to admit it. “Don’t hide behind your father and talk to me!” He said she thought that everything he did was because his father willed it so. Did she not know that he had a brain and thought on his own? All that had happened was a product of her making….

He spoke with her, even after he said he wasn’t going to. He had the conversation in which she shed tears and brought up things about their past like she didn’t see it coming. Major red flags. She spoke of their relationship like she was working on proving for them and doing what was necessary for them. She spoke of sick days and working when she was sick to provide. She spoke of being an outsider to his family. She said that his future relationships would all fail because of his family. She only wanted her car, savings account and for kids to chose who to live with.

Was what he told me correct? Did she request to get a Divorce? Was she really that materialistic that she asked about her car and savings account first before the kids? Was she really trying to play on others emotions? Was she really aware that they were over?

My mind asked so much and yet I sat there just listening to what was an eternity in a matter of seconds but each word dragged on. I heard what he was saying but couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Part of me wanted to throw in the towel and just walk away. Part of me wanted to shake him. Part of me wanted to scream. Part of me wanted to yell at her. Then I remembered who I was and knew this was not my situation, problem, or concern so I just sat there. I sat there….

I remained composed and then said I was fine. Physically I did not lie. Physically I was fine. Emotionally, I was dying inside with anger and reproach. The amount of information he shared was shocking. How did he know where she was, how did he know her routine, how did he know what she drove and how she felt? When he spoke to me it was more of a one sided conversation were they felt and spoke in their world and I was the other person being talked down to. Any questions I had were justified and confirmed by him in a defensive manner. Any rebuttal, he defended her so I was swatted and it stung.

She then did the nasty thing and told the kids she wouldn’t see the kids as much as she would like due to their father. Who drops bombs like that to your flesh and blood? He tried to console them and make them understand. I didn’t agree. It should have been explained by the person who poisoned the well. Why is she not being held accountable? Why is it ok for her to be this way and everyone just cleans up her mess?

She asked about child support because she doesn’t feel like she will have enough….seriously? You make choices and they have consequences! Kids did not ask to be born. They are here and when they are you have to be a parent. They dont wait for you to decide or get ready. They are here and a lifetime investment. You sign up for life. It is your God Given Right to raise them to be good model citizens! It is not an option. The courts determine their worth and they take into accountability what you make. They wont bleed a radish. Regardless, they are your children and how could you not want to give up all you own for them? Dear baby Jesus give me patience..

I’m here but only as a friend. I’ve numbed my internal feelings. I can’t allow myself to feel or I will be devastated. I can’t be there for him because it breaks my heart at the pain these beautiful children have to face in the hands of a heartless woman. If the kids only knew their mother was more concerned about material things then them….

It’s not my fight, it’s not my life, it’s not my anything.. I am his friend and that’s all I see right now. He needs this break to go and think of something else, to be free, to be himself. I need this break to be me, to see life without him, and to get away from all this….